


you'll never want for comfort, and you'll never be alone

by GrayJedi11



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Depressed Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Eating, Fluff and Angst, Good Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Late at Night, M/M, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Soft Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Suicidal Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Title from a Mountain Goats Song, and now i feel bad for making it romantic, cause, everythign i write is romantic, hes the kind soft side of remus, i always forget to tag that, i lomve him, i was debating between platonic and romantic, jfeinjndfjhn, never quite free, not much, remus isnt very remus, slightly OOC, still angry that remus lupin comes before him, virgil isnt my favorite character but make it dukexiety and i love him, we dont know if that exists but, yea i know its not about trauma but the lyric fit weirdly well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25723738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: “What’s up, Twilight Spookle?”“I…”“I was thinking about killing myself.”
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 10
Kudos: 238





	you'll never want for comfort, and you'll never be alone

_Remus is probably awake._

Janus was probably awake too, to be honest. But he’d rather deal with Remus’s overprotectiveness than Janus’s intenseness.

 **emo nightmare:** you awake

 **chaotic bastard:** yea

 **emo nightmare:** can you call rn

 **chaotic bastard:** yeah sure

Virgil took a deep breath, pressing the call button on Discord, leaning back on his bed, letting his phone drop in his hand. It rang for a few seconds before Remus joined, and Virgil could hear the faint sound of munching on the other side. He hesitated for a moment, debating how to present his situation.

“What’s up, Twilight Spookle?”

“I…”

“I was thinking about killing myself.”

The call went silent for a second, the sound of eating stopping abruptly.

“Oh shit. Fuck, please don’t. Please don’t.”

Virgil’s breath hung in his throat, unable to respond to the desperation in Remus’s voice. He heard scuffing, maybe a chair moving.

“Where are you?”

“My room.”

“What were you gonna use?”

“Maybe, maybe the bleach in the bathroom, I was thinking it would be easier than a knife-”

“Close your door, don’t let yourself out, then sit on your bed and don’t look at it. Try your best not to think about it, just, just don’t leave the call, if nothing else.”

Virgil obliged, closing his eyes as he got up and locked the door. He huddled under his blanket, turning his screen off so the only thing he could hear was Remus’s voice. Remus was here. He wasn’t alone. Remus was here, he was gonna be okay as long as he didn’t leave. He couldn’t kill himself in here.

“Do you want me to keep talking?”

Remus’s voice was soft, more so than it ever was. Usually it was rough, abrasive, charged with energy, but now, it was quiet and tender. Just for Virgil.

“Y-yeah.”

“Do… you wanna talk about it? ...Why tonight?”

“I… I’m… Remus, I’m so tired. I’m so tired of this feeling. Of the panic, the fear, the sadness, the exhaustion, the urge to cut, just… all of it. It doesn’t feel like there’s any escape. I just… I just don’t wanna deal with it anymore. I’m so tired of it, I’m sorry, I know you care, I _should_ know you care. But there’s… it feels like there’s no helping me.” Virgil tried to resist the tears pricking at his eyes. He wanted Remus to care, and logically, he knew he _did_. But that was such a big part of it. He didn’t feel like there was any way he could be helped, but also that… no one was going to give it.

“I want a h-hug,” he choked out. The sobs and tears did come, though.

“I can come over. I know it’s like, one in the morning, but it’s worth sneaking out in the middle of the night to give you a hug.”

“No, I don’t, I don’t need it that much-”

“You _obviously_ do. I’ll take my dad’s motorcycle, my parents won’t even have to know.”

“Remus, that’s a terrible ide-”

“Too late, I’m already doing it.”

Virgil had no power to stop the opening and closing of a door and rev of an engine. He couldn’t hear much of Remus’s words for the next few minutes, just the motorcycle making its way along the road. Remus did half-yell a few times to make sure Virgil wasn't having another breakdown, though.

“Which window is yours?”

“I could just let you in the front door, yknow.”

“Nope, you promised to stay in your room, remember? Which window?”

Virgil sighed, but smiled with the knowledge that Remus hadn’t forgotten that. “Second floor on the right side. How the hell are you gonna get in?”

“Well, you’ve got a pretty sturdy tree-”

“You’re _not_ climbing the tree!” Virgil swung his legs over the edge of the bed, opening the window and looking out to find Remus, already crawling up the first branch. He heard a few grunts through the headphones, disconnecting the call.

He pulled up the screen, leaning out to call as quietly as possible. 

“You’re gonna fall.”

“No-” he grabbed another branch, “I’m-” he hoisted himself up, straddling the branch closest to the window and shimmying forward, “not.” He grabbed the edge of the window, grinning.

Virgil sighed, grabbing Remus’s hands and hoisting him through the window. Remus stood, smiling faintly in front of him.

“You really just… climbed through my window. That’s dedi-”

Before he could finish, Remus’s arms were wrapped around him, head buried in Virgil’s shoulder. He was crying pathetically, a vulnerability Virgil had never seen.

“You’re- you’re here. I-I’m so glad you didn’t, and I know you were talking and stuff and I knew you were alive but- but I’m just so glad that I can hug you-”

“Re, I’m- I’m so sorry I worried you, I should’ve called Janus instead, please don’t, please don’t cry.”

“It’s okay, Virgil, I’m just glad you called someone, I- I much prefer crying and hugging you to you being- being dead. That’s- that’s why I came over. I needed to see you, I needed to know you weren’t, you hadn’t-”

Virgil started crying too, his own arms wrapping tightly around Remus. His friend’s grip tightened.

“God, I’m selfish. At least you _wanted_ me here.”

“Please just- just don’t let go. I can’t- I can’t be alone anymore.”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m- I’m _never_ gonna let you be alone. I’ll _die_ before that happens.”

“We- we can’t _both_ die.”

“Because I’m not gonna let you. I care about you. I- I love you.”

“I… I love you too. I guess I kinda have to, since you came all this way in the middle of the night.”

Remus let out a deep breath, finally pulling away from Virgil. He took both of Virgil’s hands in his, fumbling around until they were laced together. Virgil looked up at him, eyes red with his previous tears.

“Do you wanna sit down?”

Remus nodded a little, and Virgil let go of one of Remus’s hands, pulling him towards his bed. He shimmied to the top of it, back resting against the wall as he nibbled on his nails a little. Remus sat beside him, leaning a little against Virgil. He adjusted their hands, putting his hand over his friend’s. He brushed his thumb along Virgil’s hand, towards his wrist. Virgil flinched away, pulling his hand out of his grasp and holding his wrist with his own hand.

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“When- when you said ‘I love you,’ did you mean it like, platonically or…” He changed the subject, eyes flicking from Remus’s face to his nails.

“...I don’t want to answer ‘romantically’ if you don’t feel the same because this would be a really awkward moment to have a one-sided crush.”

“I don’t think I could’ve brought myself to ask if I didn’t… if it wasn’t mutual. Or at least I’m assuming that’s what you’re saying, I don’t know _how_ my interpretation could be wrong, but I don’t know, maybe I just sound like a fool and I’m being really stupid and is this a weird time to confess your love to someone? Is right now a bad time because now you know that there’s the possibility that your boyfriend would kill himself- if we were to even start dating- and not just another replaceable friend, of course, boyfriends are replaceable too-”

“Virgil.”

Virgil snapped his head towards Remus, eyes wide at the calm, concerned face before him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? Just breathe. It’s okay. I’d care about you just as much if we were dating, ‘boyfriends’ is just a title. It doesn’t affect my feelings towards you. And you didn’t take it wrong, but even though it _is_ mutual, we don’t have to date, we don’t have to do _anything_ if it makes you anxious. And hey, you can take us confessing now as something you would’ve missed if you had…”

“Y-yeah. That- that works.”

Virgil reached out for Remus’s hands again, leaning towards him and burying his head into Remus’s shirt and worming his arm around Remus’s torso, no longer upright enough to be called sitting. He relaxed when Remus returned the hug, pulling the heavy comforter over the two of them.

He smiled a little, even though Remus couldn’t see it. He let out a little contented sigh. Remus would have to leave eventually, he knew that, but he would savor this for as long as he could. Death seemed so much further away than it had an hour ago, warmth and comfort replacing the anxiety and exhaustion. Maybe, maybe everything would be okay, even if for a moment.

Yeah. Everything could be okay.


End file.
